Today, if the truth be told, many people would consider celibacy freakish, an unnatural, unnecessary and irrelevant state in this day and age. Most of our parishioners would probably say: "God help him."
During my training, the issue of celibacy was never even mentioned. You were just told to get on with it. If you wanted to spread the word of God, it was part of the package. If I had known then what I know now about the loneliness of the celibate life, I would never have chosen the priesthood.
We know from the latest survey that more than 50% of priests are in favour of optional celibacy. When freely chosen, celibacy can be a noble, virtuous, worthy gift. But for most of the priests I know, it is anything but a gift. Most of my friends find it a constant struggle, an absolute burden. They keep trying to shove it into the background hoping it will go away.
For me at this stage in my life, as I approach 60, it's more about companionship than sex. As a priest, no matter what you do you are on your own, from the time you get up in the morning to the time you go to bed.
On Sundays, you wouldn't see a sinner after the last Mass. You go home to an empty house. You often end up not taking your days off because you spend them on your own anyway. Because of the shortage of priests, the work is getting harder and harder, so you have to keep working anyway.
Holidays are a disaster. Who do you go with? And I know many priests who dread Christmas. Apart from the extra workload, who do you celebrate with? When your parents have passed on, you might go to a brother or sister but you'd be in bed by 8pm. It's different for priests in an order, at least they live in a community, but when you are a diocesan priest, you end up on your own in the presbytery.
There are so many occasions when you just wish you had a shoulder to cry on. A few Christmases ago, I was called out to a young couple to give the last rites to their baby who had suffered a cot death. I came home to an empty house and cried my eyes out. That was one instance in many. No-one knows what the clergy go through. You'd love to go home to a big hug but you just come back to a big lonely house and close the door behind you.
My friends in the Church of Ireland get such support from their spouses and I'm sure they can give more to their communities because they have that emotional back-up.
Old age and getting sick is what most priests really dread. Some of our more elderly priests who have no family left end up languishing in hospital. The parishioners stop coming after a while. It is so sad to see.
Another very sad aspect is not having children. I dearly miss not having a son or daughter. At baptisms, it really gets to me. You have no-one to carry on your name. When you're dead, you're dead. That's the end of you.
Celibacy gets harder with age. When you're young, it's go go go. You don't have as much energy when you're older, so you have more time on your own to think. You try to live with the loneliness. It's easy to turn to drink. When you come home, it can be tempting to pull out the whiskey bottle. I don't keep drink in the house any more because I was finding it too easy to use it as a crutch.
When Vocations Sunday comes around every year, many of my colleagues just go through the motions, but they don't really bother encouraging vocations any more. What man would put another young man through the burden of celibacy? One of the greatest scandals of the Catholic Church and its celibacy rule is the fact that more than 1 billion Catholics in the world have to go without the sacraments because there are no priests to administer them.
I love my job, the ministry, meeting the people, preaching and celebrating Mass. But I don't like the power Rome has over us when it comes to celibacy. Enforced celibacy is about money, power and property. It has nothing to do with history or tradition. Rome knows this but it continues to enforce compulsory celibacy. Jesus never imposed it on his apostles. In fact, He never said a word about it. And if he was against it, why would he choose Peter, a married man, as his right hand man? The first Pope was married as were many of his apostles. The rule didn't come in until 1139.
I can't understand why the Church is hanging onto the celibacy rule knowing how difficult it makes life for its priests. Maybe it doesn't want women to get control of its property.
The present Pope has brought no democracy to the Church. When I think of his visit to Ireland 25 years ago, I broke my heart arranging buses for everyone to get to his masses. If he came to the bottom of the street today, I wouldn't lift a finger.
In conversation with
Gemma O'Doherty
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